How to Deliver Bad News: 3 Techniques
By Vicki Wrona, PMP:
A frequent concern and popular topic in our communications, leadership or project management training classes is how to deliver bad news. We commonly discuss techniques of feeling empathy, putting yourself in their shoes, sticking to the facts, avoiding under-reacting or over-reacting, etc. Recently, I came across an Insight Roundtable discussion in Whole Living magazine (May 2011, pp.126-127) that discusses this topic nicely.
The question, “How do I deliver bad news?” was answered by a doctor, a communication expert and a consultant.
1. Doctor’s response
Neha Sangwan, M.D., CEO and founder of Intuitive Intelligence, Inc.
Do not surprise people. Let them know what you would like to discuss, how long it will take and ask them for a good time to meet. That way, they can prepare for the conversation and have some control over it.
During the conversation, be honest with them. By letting them know that you are nervous, surprised, etc., you let them know of your positive intention and that this conversation is difficult for you, too. Present the information as clearly and compassionately as you can, keeping in mind that this person is strong enough to handle the news as best they can. If the other person reacts emotionally, reflect back what you observe. (“I understand this is upsetting to you. How can I help?”)
After delivering the news, stop and allow the other person to absorb your message and respond. Don’t fall into the usual trap of continuing to talk.
2. Communication expert’s response
Debra Fine, speaker and author of the Fine Art of the Big Talk
Start your message with something positive. For example, if you can’t afford to attend a friend’s wedding on a tropical island, let them know how much you value their friendship, how important this special day is, and that you are disappointed to let them know you will not be able to attend. At this point, don’t offer details or excuses. Own your decision by stating your decision in “I” terms (“I cannot attend”) versus “you” terms (“you picked an expensive location”).
Deliver this message in person if at all possible, and over the phone if not. Do not send this over e-mail. When talking to them, maintain eye contact.
3. Consultant’s response
Donna Flagg, author of Surviving Dreaded Conversations
Understand that this is a conversation, not a conflict. Be clear and honest. Do not play the victim yourself. Stick to the facts of the situation without blaming management or adding to the story. Blaming and enhancing can and will make you look defensive or insecure.
Even though you are speaking to the facts, do so with empathy and kindness. By staying focused on the facts and accepting the reality of the situation, you help the other person move forward by doing the same. Imagine how this could work while talking to someone about a reduction in force (RIF) and that you have to lay them off, for example.
Rehearse your talk ahead of time to ensure it goes as well as possible. Practice this over time and it will become easier to deliver bad news.
