Different Train of Thought
By Vicki Wrona, PMP:
Have you ever had a humorous misunderstanding arise because two people were approaching a conversation from different angles and were not understanding each other correctly? Let me give you a recent humorous example that happened to me.
I was recently teaching a virtual PMP Exam Prep course and had made an offhand comment about people working in my facility to fix the air conditioning. The next morning, when class resumed, one attendee asked me how the AC was. It’s a straightforward question which right now is very obvious. However, when we ended class the day before, I was teaching earned value, and one of the earned value components is Actual Cost, AC. Since I was about to begin class and review what we discussed yesterday, earned value was at the top of my mind. When I got the question, I was dumbfounded on how to answer, because I took the question as, “How is your actual cost?” At this point, I didn’t even remember making the comment, so “air conditioning” was nowhere in my brain. After pausing speechless for a moment (which doesn’t happen too often), it clicked. Actually, it took a couple minutes and some clarification, but it did eventually click. What a funny, and harmless, misunderstanding.
This misunderstanding was harmless, but not all are. We come to a conversation with a simple statement or question. We see it as straightforward. And it often would be, except that the other person has other thoughts, experiences, and recent events in their minds which may take your simple statement in an unintended direction. And when they don’t get what we mean right away, we can get frustrated or think they are not smart or paying attention.
Sometimes we don’t know that two people are talking about different things until it has been happening for a while. That is the problem with assuming that others are approaching our discussion with a “clean slate” or freed mind. Once we realize that our minds are not on the same track or thinking the same way, we have to work harder to get everyone back on the same message. It can be hard to switch once you begin thinking a certain way, i.e. “going down the wrong track.”
If, instead, we approached every conversation with the assumption that others can and probably are approaching our topic from different perspectives, experiences, backgrounds, examples, analogies, etc., we might find ourselves experiencing fewer misunderstandings and exhibiting more patience. We have to remember to work hard to be clear. Well, we already work hard, right? Then it means we should work harder. Question the other person’s understanding, especially if they pause or look confused. Too often in a discussion, we just keep talking or moving when a person pauses rather than stop to verify. Even when they are agreeing with you and understanding SEEMS to be aligned, it may or may not be, especially when (but not always) we are working with people from different cultures or languages.
This takes effort. It’s hard to do this all day, every day. It takes energy. Even if we don’t always get it right, at least if we try, we’ll avoid some misunderstandings. It won’t be perfect, but it will be better than it could have been. And little improvements made over time will grow to bigger ones and make a difference. That’s what I count on.
What do you do to avoid “different track” thinking?
